Children at Birth
Why have your other children at birth?
Having your children at the birth can help them accept their sibling,
avoiding some of the jealousy that might arise by establishing a special bond by cutting the cord or holding the baby immediately
after birth. It is important that they share one of life’s most beautiful miracles. It is an opportunity to experience
life in reality—the work, the pain, the joy—all at once. It is positive sex education that can show your children an example
of the immense responsibility of having children. The most important facet is the bonding that takes place within the entire
family unit when all are present at the birth of a new child.
How do I know it is right for us?
As a mother you must feel comfortable
with your child’s presence at your labor. It is important that you are not distracted with concern about one child while you are laboring
with another. If you feel a need to take care of the child while you are dealing with contractions, you will find it difficult to
focus on your labor. Also, your own feelings of modesty may interfere with your own comfort if your child is there. How
do you feel about your child(ren) seeing you naked? You need to think about your own fears and issues before helping with your
child’s fears of birth.
There is no magic formula for knowing whether or not your child can “handle” being at the birth. Every child is different. Some four year-olds can handle it; some eight year-olds can’t. Talking openly with them about
it, asking them to share their feelings, and being willing to abide by their wishes will help you to know what they can and cannot
handle.
Prenatal Visits
If you are considering having your children be at the home when you give birth, below are some
suggestions for preparing them. It is suggested that you bring your children with you to at least one prenatal, and have them
there at the 37-week home visit so they can become accustomed to your midwife and her assistant(s). There is a basket of
toys available in the office for toddlers/preschoolers to help entertain them while we visit. Nursing toddlers and well-behaved
children are always welcome, and may stay with you or play in the play room or outside in the fenced backyard (Leavenworth location).
Preparing
your child
If both parents feel comfortable with the child's presence at birth, the next concern is that the child be prepared for
birth through pictures, stories and talking about the process in a truthful, matter-of-fact way. In all cases, there should
be an adult or teen sibling to care for your child(ren). To help prepare your children for what birth is like, share all the
sights, sounds, and even smells they might encounter with a positive, not fearful, attitude. Educating them about the sight
of blood is especially helpful, as that seems to be what frightens children most. Share with them the hard work of labor; one
activity you can use to help them understand is to have them mimic what it would be like to move your couch across the room. You might make note of the red faces and grunting noises they make while attempting to do this incredible thing. When talking
about cutting the umbilical cord, you can share what it feels like to get your hair cut. There are sharp scissors, but it doesn’t
hurt.
Read lots and lots of books about babies together. Show them lots of videos of other gentle births, watching
with them, taking note of their reactions as you explain what is happening. As a homebirthing parent, it is wise to avoid the
medicalized TV shows that depict birth as sterile, scary, and surgical. We strive to allow birth to happen as naturally and
normally as possible, and it is a good idea to make sure their exposure to birth is viewed physiologically. Be completely honest. Children’s preparation for birth should be about emotions and relationships in addition to anatomy and physiology. Be sensitive
to doubts they may be expressing, ideas they may be testing, and be willing to matter-of-factly answer their questions. When
sharing how baby comes out, be prepared for questions regarding how the baby got in. Answer simply and matter-of-factly according
to their age level, remembering to include information on marriage and purity.
In summary, the following are the guidelines
for children at your homebirth:
References:
Children at Birth by Marjie and Jay
Hathaway
Frye1, p653-654
Birth 29:1, p60
Mothering #85, p58
How Was I Born? By Lennart Nilson
www.geocities.com/Heartland/8148/sibatbirth.html
www.gentlebirth.org/archives/emotionl.html#Siblings
